Memories

As I sit in the dark and close my eyes
My vision fills up with faces that once said goodbyes
I just wish those memories could fade
But each time the lights get down they flash in with a grayer shade
And its gets harder to swallow the lump in my throat
The songs I sung and poems I wrote
Take me to a world of forgotten memories
When life was a joy with no worries

Then the sun peaks in, I wake up in today
Thinking what price would I have to pay
To bring the world to a stop
So that I could just dance and hop
In the old beautiful times
Where laughter resides and smile shines
So that I don't have to close my eyes
And my vision could have no goodbyes

I've grown..

Some thoughts and incidents suddenly make us grow older.. I would say months back I was 16 but today I feel like 30. Is it really possible? Some might say "WHAT RUBBISH", some might even agree with me but that is not what my point is, my point questions the process of aging.

Death is one such aspect of life that can make you feel older within a matter of a few minutes. I felt that we should all stay in this world forever and never ever leave but lately I've had an opportunity of realizing that DEATH is important and hence an inevitable part of one's existence. I today know that Death is beginning of a new Life.

Yet we cry for those whose souls depart and we ourselves are afraid to die. We should look at death as not a negative aspect of life but an aspect that brings in new life. Its easy to console people whose near and dear one's have left them but still I would say this body is like a clothing, with time it gets worn and the soul is like the person who wears the clothing and hence one day or the other the worn out clothes are to be left so that the soul can get dressed into a new one. 

Whenever HE calls!

She inspires me.. teaches me to face every difficulty of life with courage.. and has always broadened the meaning of "TRUE STRENGTH". She is my great grandmother, who was widowed at the age of 26, had 4 children of merely 12,10,7, and six months old son to raise. She educated them, married them and saw them lead their own lives. She saw her near and dear one's depart over the years... She lost her two son-in-laws and the son in her long life of a century.Yet she survived!

She has always believed in devotion towards HIM, but guess, He always has unheard her prayers, never gave her what she was worthy of. Today as she lay on her death bed, waiting for Him to call her, once again He is ignorant of the pain she is going through, she is losing all her senses slowly, she has lost all her affection towards us, but still He is being cruel to her. 

I know I shouldn't be saying this but it is arousing from deep within, GOD PLEASE END HER MISERY, and let her wear the clothes of a new life, for in this life she has seen enough!

LIFE GOES ON!! :) :(

LIFE GOES ON!!

Yes it seriously does go on.. even when you are the happiest person on this earth or whether your heart is ripping apart...LIFE GOES ON! I always thought I had my anchor, my safest place in the world, but today I realized that my anchor was long lost. I don't have a have a place to run to on my darkest of days.. the shadows of the past would always haunt me through the times so rough.
I was once told that change is the only thing constant in this world, but then I wasn't ready to accept the facts of life, I had my fairytale where the end's always a joyous one. But today I know that if the happy days are there, they would be followed by the low one's and vice verse. I was told that today you have people who care and love you, but tomorrow all of it would be gone, and it happened. I'm left with only a heartache so very painful and memories so very loved. People surround me, but I find myself deserted. I hear noises but no words register in here- "in my heart". The nights are sleepless and days are restless. Was I really worth all this? Maybe... maybe not.. but life goes on...
I hope for a sunshine and dream of a change that favors me, because i know that no matter what LIFE GOES ON!! :) :(

Dedicated to the people I lost and found through the path of life!

ये दर्द कैसा?

ये दर्द कैसा मैंने है ले लिया
जब से दिल ये तुझको है दे दिया
आंसू छिप से गए है झूटी मुस्कुराहटों  में
और जो ग़म है इस दिल का वो किसी को न दिखने पाया है
न जाने दर्द कैसा मैंने है ले लिया
जब से दिल ये तुझको है दे दिया

अल्फाजों की कमी पड़ जाती है
जब भी इस दिल को याद तेरी तडपती है
होने लगी है यारी अंधेरों से, दोस्ती की है मैंने सन्नाटों से
और पल में दुश्मनी हो गयी है दुनिया वालों से
न जाने दर्द कैसा मैंने है ले लिया
जब से दिल ये तुझको है दे दिया

खामोश सी रातें प्यारी लगती हैं
मगर आपकी चुप्पियाँ हमे डंसती हैं
एक नशा सा हमे है हो गया
ये जहा हमसे खफा है हो गया
न जाने दर्द कैसा मैंने है ले लिया
जब से दिल ये तुझको है दे दिया!

My Soul got Stuck

The day I saw you my soul got stuck with you
I couldn’t help but think you were life for me
The day your eyes encountered with mine
I couldn’t help but drown in deep
The day you smiled at me
I couldn’t help but think you liked me
The day you talked to me
I couldn’t help but think you were for me
Soon came the day when I wanted you with me
But you told it could never be we….

Then I thought of the day when my soul got stuck
Now I curse myself for those thoughts
Then I realized your eyes never shone for me
For now I think how could I drown in them
Then I realized your smiles were never meant for me
For now I know you hated me
And you could never be with me
I wonder how these thoughts seemed so relevant to me
But today these thoughts and your memories haunt me
Because the day I saw you my soul got stuck with you  I know, I know this one is truly lame, but I wrote it when I was 13, I mean what else do you expect... Phew..never mind..I deserve to be laughed upon so go ahead people :P :P

A million in ONE

"Life is strange, and so are the people in this world."

We come across hundreds and thousands of people in our life, but have you wondered why only a few of them hold a place in your heart forever? With people comes a varying range of personality type. Well, honestly speaking I do not believe that people posses a particular personality, I think each of us have a number of personalities.

Let me tell about a friend of mine. She basically is an year or two younger than me but at times I see a way too matured side of hers, I have known her for years but still ask me what kind of a personality she actually is, I get stumped. She loves chocolates, wafers, junk food, and what not and at the same time she can lecture me about ethics, traditions and spirituality. God only knows whether she is a teen or a granny :P
I see her, and think I truly have known the taste of one dish served at the royal dinner. There is always something that keeps me from getting bored of her company, topics of discussion flow in free, arguments end in settlements, fights end in cuddling, games end in dispute yet a precious golden thread binds me and her together, FOREVER!

I guess I have always failed to notice that in her I find a million people. She comes to me as 'A MILLION IN ONE'

The Road Not Taken..

Life almost always gives you two choices. Somethings you love about the first choice and some things about the other. But we are made to choose one, its hard to leave one, to leave what you could have on that road, you aren't even certain where the road you choose will lead you to yet you are made to choose.

I closed my eyes and let the tears wet my pillow. I had no idea as to why the hell did I cry, was I grieving at the loss of the choice I hadn't made or was I wanting to hold on to both of my roads, pause life and not have to do what I did.   I knew that my road would define what I have tomorrow in life and no matter how much I wanted to come back and live the day of my choice I wouldn't. I guess I always let go what I am supposed to hold on, it has I think become a part of my nature. The road not taken calls me blinded, I guess I am, for to leave it, even if the road has a hoarding of I will be just running parallel to YOU, YOU just need to cross over. 

I hate making choices, why can't life be only a single option, why do we have to choose when we know we can't live without the either of the options? The choice was like choosing what you love more 'a burger or a pizza'. I know this was a lame one but seriously who on earth can choose between rains or a bright sunny day? Doesn't a farmer need both of them? 

I know you people must be wondering why the hell she keeps throwing questions at me, so lemme tell you people I'm just a girl next door, am I not supposed to be this puzzled, see another question, yeah right let me get the hell outta here before you people start throwing rotten eggs and tomatoes, bye guys and gals!

THE CHANGE

The only thing constant is CHANGE. Rightly said isn't it?
Remember when you were a toddler and the most difficult task was to fill color into a picture or memorize alphabets.Remember when naughtiness dripped off your face and eyes were astonished when you saw a lion in the cage at zoo. Now you must be wondering that why I'm asking you to remember all of it because then our ultimate dream was to grow up but then what changed? Now you are a grown up why aren't you satisfied after fulfilling you dream? The answer is the the changed you!
No! No! I'm not up for a lecture or something. I'm here to just share with you The Change Story.
She was crying. No I should say she was wailing at her loss. The loss had abandoned her, shattered her, left her with no strength to look into the eyes of the person she loved the most. She questioned time over and over, waited for the obvious answers, it pained her to let it go, her heart was sinking at the very thought of the decision she had made. She finally decided to cry herself to sleep. But then night was filled with sounds of crying noises of her beloved. She felt somebody touching her feet, she sat up straight when she had lost all hope of getting her beloved back. What followed was a mental breakdown. An ocean of feelings, the feeling of love, pain, hurt, hatred, anger, despair, loneliness, joy, sorrow, truth, lie, dark, light and togetherness flowed free. A promise was made, a choice was made,yes it was crazy, it was no joke, it was the ultimate change that was for long needed.
Love makes us do anything and everything, I know you know it, because you too have felt it. The change came just to set everything right into place as it was supposed to be.
Only those who love change! :)

A new message

People this is story of two girls Ashley and Bells..the two best friend cum sisters:):)
It came to me as an inbox on my facebook account and it was a request to be posted on my blog...This shows their love for each other..

Today I am gonna tell you this story of these two sisters. They were best friends, people who knew them used to compliment them that they are like "two bodies, one soul". And guess what, they really were that way. They loved each other a lot, a lot more than one can ever imagine. They shared every secret. Mind you, EVERY. They couldn't spend even a single minute without seeing each other. The only time they were not together was when they were in school, but at that time also, they used to discuss each other with their friends. Their friends knew that they were best friends and absolutely no one can come between them. No matter how hard one tries to.
They never ran out of topics. They used to talk till 3 in the morning about absolutely everything and at the same time about absolutely nothing. They used to discuss their first love, crushes, crushers, friends, the hot/cute looking guys in their class, etc. etc...
They talked endlessly. The younger sister adored her elder sister a lot. She wanted to be like her. She always used to think to herself, "I wish, one day I could be like my sister!"
Time flew. And then, in their lives came two people, from somewhere, somewhere far off. Two strangers. And I don't quite exactly know, when these two beautiful girls were in love with these two strangers.
Now all they used to talk about was limited to these strangers. They were falling apart. They no more talked as often as they used to do. Now no more their lives were related. They were absolutely into them. It was like those stranger had practiced some black magic on them. Their fights were now, not for themselves but for those two strangers. Many a times they tried to mend their relationship, but it was of no use. Each time they did so, it turned out to be a bad idea. And their relationship with time got even worse. After a few years they went to different cities to complete their graduation. They no more talked to each other. The only conversations they had were "Hi, Hello, how are you?" That's it.
Like this, years passed by slowly, they used to miss each other, but both of them had this thing called "EGO" in them. So, neither of them had the guts to sacrifice their ego, and talk it out, and sort out all the misunderstandings between them.
One day, their loves left them waiting in the rain..they didn't even care to look back and see if they were fine. And that was the day of realization for them. They both realized that people come and go. And because of them they shouldn't let the people who love them the most suffer. That day they both called each other. And cried, cried until dawn. They met the next day and talked out everything that was building in them through all these years. They cried, and cried and cried. And later they laughed too, for being stupid enough to let someone come between them. Once again they were best friends. They again fell in love, but this time not at the cost of their relationship with each other.
They love each other, they always have and they always will. :)
I love you, Di.
Hope we remain like this forever and ever and ever and ever.. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

P.S.: Sorry for boring you. :P Anyways, I love you. ♥ ♥

This what Ashley wrote to Bells...but Ashley promised what she wrote about the love of Bells' life leaving her would never come true...she just wanted to make Bells realize what she had forgotten.. I love them both:):)

A sister duo that will live forever in my heart:):)

What to DO?

It is very rightly said that time flies when you are enjoying life. HIGH SCHOOL a very important year of our lives had just arrived when I was crying and feeling depressed at fact that my class was shuffled and I was left with no close friends in my class but soon enough I adjusted as I had been doing for the last 5 years. (each and every year my class was shuffled since class V) I started enjoying and having fun in class, had few of the most beautiful and unforgettable moments of my life. I was in love with each and every thing about my class from teachers to my classmates who teased me, friends who deliberately pulled out my rubber band from my hair, I learned to give silly excuses for not completing my work, yet my teachers loved me for my naughtiness, my friends helped me cheat in class tests and do did I enjoy helping them. It was a wonderful year of my life. Now my own words appear in contradiction to my words at starting of the session , I used to tell my friends I'm never ever gonna miss this class but look at me now I'm here writing this entire story about my experiences in this class, time changes with the blink of an eye. True... Ain't it?
It was the last week of my regular classes in class 10th when we were handed the forms to opt for streams in class 11th. Earlier I was very clear with my goal and focus in life but a few things changed my mindset and I was left perplexed, I asked myself a million times..WHAT TO DO? I don't blame anyone for confusing me but I strongly feel the more opinions you take the more confused you are bound to get. I always wanted to be a fashion designers but somewhere deep down my heart I knew I wanted to change the world.. and believe me fashion designers only change a person's appearance but to bring about a change I had to do something different.. something that would speak for itself. Deciding the stream for myself was not a task I could just get away with very easily. It was the matter of my entire career. I know a few people reading this would call me immature for I don't give a damn to all that money making thing... I know..I know I sound like my top floor is vacant but that's how I think I would want to work not because it will earn me a living but because it will be my passion. Is it wrong to follow your passion? What if following your passion you lag behind in this competitive world? Will I wrong my life following my passion? Will my opinion about living my life change as I grow up or will I land up doing nothing in my life? These were the questions I put forth myself after listening to the suggestions given to me by a hundred people around me.
I know there would be million students who might have been through the same kind of fix. I know a few whose parents want them to be engineers/doctors even when the students know their potential and they want to opt for some other stream but they are forcefully made to study something they would never make use of in their lives because its not their choice. Will these kids be successful because they are following not their passion but what the world(parents and other) ask them to do?
Sometimes I wish I could just build a future machine so that I could have a future ride to see what I land up doing when I grow up because this question of WHAT TO DO kills me inside!!

Expectations...

We all expect something or the other from someone or the other...and they do the same from us. A parent expects his child to excel in all spheres of life...a child expects his parents to understand his situation...a friend expects you to never hurts him/her...your love expects you to love him/her forever and ever...and so on. It wouldn't be wrong to say that at some point or the other expectations from the others hurt..whether intentionally or unintentionally..so what do we do then? Should we then stop expecting...and become monks and nuns? Or should we let these expectations hurt us time and again?
So many questions to be answered...
Ever tried a game called swap your roles...I know sounds weird that to solve this long questionnaire of expectations I suggest a game...but if you gotta trust me it is quite interesting and also very helpful. The game requires you to swap your role with person from whom you have expectations. Place yourself in his/her shoes and think if the same is expected of you. I know...I know you'd say what a lecture and silly thing this teen is trying to tell me but...life can be made simpler by altering your way of looking at situations.
What I know... 
I read articles about students whose parents are constantly pressurizing them to get better grades...if they rank second in class not because they studied less but because someone else was better, their parents tend to look upon them as if they are sinners etc..Is this right? Each of us has our capability and we work accordingly and in this world people are better and worse than us..we should look upon both of them and then judge ourselves or others..This is one of the cause why most students write "I QUIT' on walls and opt the easier way out. Expectations need a thought..
Ek free advice to banti hai yaar: I know death is difficult but living life is even harder because life has challenges to face but death has only an end..LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST:):)

Words of a Bruised Heart

The tears have dried
For too long I've cried
The scars I feel
Won't ever heal
This loneliness creeps me inside
It appears to me like I'm on a haunted ride
Now even the tears have dried
Because they tell me for too long I've cried

Once upon a time you made feel wanted
Now even your words have taunted
The trust I showed in you is shattered
Now your love can't make my heart flattered
Can't you see the tears dried?
Can't you see how long I've cried?

The world seems a cruel place
In which each one of us is in a race
If  gullible you are
You won't be able to run too far
From what I've learned you gotta be strong
Even if the entire world seems to do you a wrong
Live always with smiles that shine
And if you gotta take the words that are mine
The tears will dry
After a while you cry
You will sure have an opportunity to laugh the other day
And those happy days will be there to stay!! 

.What lies beaneth?

Disclaimer:This post is work of fiction. It resembles no person living on this earth.:P:P
P.S. Yet it reminds me of someone I know.
It is actually very amazing that how we humans have so many preconceptions about those people whom we barely talk to and see moving here and there in our surroundings. I'm also very humanly and therefore you cannot blame if I do the same. The boy to whom I barely used to talk because I felt the way he talked to a few girls was not the way girls are to treated and made me wonder "Why the heck boys a re so rude?" But face doesn't generally reveals what lies beneath.
Times changed and it made me friends with him. I didn't even get to know when those stupid things he did began to make me laugh. I started enjoying in his company. Somewhere my opinions about him began to change yet I didn't show that on the outside. Friendship is strange thing all you want is to hide your friend's flaws yet improve them. Gradually an understanding, a comfort zone developed between us. I remember he used to tell me 'You are one of the few girls I actually appreciate being with.'
I guess it was not until that fine evening when I thought he was a sensible teen. (It actually was heartening to see a guy feel so much of  compassion and respect for his family) I used to talk to him almost every evening by then. That evening was earlier not at all different but that breakdown made it a memorable one. He told me "You know something bells...I love my father a lot...no matter how much masti we do at school...but at the end of the day when i close my eyes to thank God for giving me the day only a single image erupts in my mind and that is of my father" I kept mum, wanting to hear more and he continued " I don't know what has happened to me today please just ignore my senti talks" he was embarrassed for he showed not all of that on the outside. I bet he had his eyes moist, his voice was breaking, completely taken by surprise I told him "boy you are not what I thought you were" and he said only a single thing "Bells, I never told any of these to my best friend but I guess every guy needs a girl best friend to share things that have an emotional touch to it" and at that I was so touched that the satisfaction of being there for someone overwhelmed me and tears rolled down my cheeks.
Its not always a carefree heart that resides behind those jokes and laughs..nor it is always the first impression that stays with you forever(although we try quite to make the best of it on some people), what lies beneath is series of discovery in which sometimes you gotta face tears and otherwise you gotta keep patience so as to know that it ain't the end of it and you know not what it has in store for you...